We at the biscuit appreciation society are fully aware of how biscuits deteriorate due to lack of being stored in an airtight box. Normally, we despise anybody who has let their biscuits become soft and inedible, but we do live in the real world, and recognise that people do make mistakes. Therefore, we have developed a list of possible ways to dispose of such biscuits.

Disposing of the biscuits:

1. Feed them to your dog or cat: Dogs love biscuits, and cats may also. However, it should be pointed out that dogs should only be fed under the supervision of a suitable adult, and cats should have the biscuits broken down as far as possible to avoid an ear infection.

2. Post them to the needy Crocodiles of Africa and Japan: Although not a widely known fact, crocodiles have a taste of biscuits, especially of the older generation. If you do decide to post them, please make sure that they are wrapped up in an airtight bag, because even though the crocodiles will eat old biscuits, mouldy ones just make them turn their heads away in disgust, which may possibly endanger their keeper. For the address, please visit your local Post Office, who will be pleased to provide you with a pre-addressed envelope for this exact purpose.

3. Use them as a biscuit base in a trifle: When biscuits are put into a trifle, it is a well known fact, that they become soggy anyway. Therefore, putting already slightly soft biscuits in there means that
a) They are not wasted, and are still eligible for human consumption
b) The best part: Nobody need know that you are being tight with the new biscuits!

4. Sell them at a stall at a car boot sale: Everybody knows that any food stuffs at car boot sales or the like, are generally of low quality, and generally "off" Therefore, this is one of the best ways to become rid of your biscuits AND make a profit!

5. Continue using them and giving them to guests: Whilst you may consider this to be a very bad idea, it can in fact be a "good thing". If you think about it: how many guests do you really want to be at your dwelling? We at the biscuit appreciation organisation have often given prospective new members soft biscuits, if we all decided that we didn't like them, and would not like them to join. This way, the new member is put off completely because they think that we appreciate soft and old biscuits - and thus, never bothers us again! This can also work for you, because if the guests considers your biscuits to be old and nasty, they are less likely to want to drink your tea, coffee or any other offering you bring - hence, you save on your own food. To top it all off, if some guests spread the word - you're likely to receive even less unwanted guests ! Obviously, with good friends, you should use the new best biscuits - as the biscuit appreciation organisation would not wish you to never have guests around again. It is also advised that you inform your wanted guests your plot to get rid of the unwanteds, in case they have heard the rumours about your biscuits being possibly the worst in town.